What Your Favourite Romance Trope Says About Your Attachment Style
I’m going to tell you something that might either delight you or make you feel slightly called out: the romance tropes you gravitate toward probably say something real about your attachment style.
I say this with love, as both a romance author and a psychotherapist who spends a lot of time thinking about why we’re drawn to the emotional patterns we’re drawn to. This isn’t a diagnosis — it’s an invitation to get curious about yourself. And maybe to feel a little less weird about the fact that you’ve read forty-seven forced proximity novels this year.
A Quick Attachment Refresher
Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, suggests that our early relational experiences shape how we connect (or struggle to connect) in adulthood. The broad categories are secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised (sometimes called fearful-avoidant).
Most of us are a blend, and attachment styles aren’t fixed — they can shift with different relationships and with intentional work. But they do tend to influence what feels emotionally resonant to us, including in fiction.
The Tropes and What They Might Mean
If you love enemies-to-lovers…
You might lean toward an avoidant attachment style. There’s something about keeping someone at arm’s length — insisting you don’t want them, don’t need them — that feels safer than admitting you do. The enemies-to-lovers arc is the ultimate story of walls coming down, and if you’re someone who builds walls, watching characters dismantle theirs can feel both terrifying and deeply hopeful.
If you love friends-to-lovers…
You might have a more secure attachment style, or you might be someone with anxious attachment who finds comfort in the idea that love can grow from safety rather than chaos. Friends-to-lovers says: the person who already knows you, who’s already proven they’ll stay — they can also be the great love of your life. It’s a trope that privileges trust over spark, and that resonates deeply with people who value emotional security.
If you love forced proximity…
This one’s interesting. You might be avoidant — someone who needs external circumstances to override your instinct to keep distance. Forced proximity takes the choice away, and that can feel like a relief for people who would otherwise talk themselves out of connection. It says: you didn’t choose this, so you don’t have to be afraid of having chosen wrong.
If you love forbidden love…
Hello, anxious attachment. (I say this with the warmth of someone who writes it.) Forbidden love amplifies every emotion — the longing, the fear, the desperation, the relief. If you tend toward anxious attachment, that intensity feels like proof of love. The obstacles aren’t just plot; they’re validation that the love is real because it survives despite everything.
If you love second-chance romance…
You might be working through something. And I mean that in the best possible way. Second-chance romance is essentially an attachment repair narrative — it says that ruptures can be healed, that people can grow, that the love that didn’t work the first time can work now because both people have done the work. It’s deeply therapeutic as a trope, and I think it appeals to anyone who’s ever wished they could go back and get it right.
Before You Spiral
A few important caveats: this is meant to be fun and thought-provoking, not clinical. Reading tastes are influenced by a thousand things, and enjoying a trope doesn’t mean you “have” a particular attachment style. Plenty of securely attached people adore enemies-to-lovers, and plenty of avoidant people are suckers for friends-to-lovers.
What I find interesting isn’t the diagnosis but the curiosity. Asking yourself “why does this particular emotional pattern light up my brain?” is a genuinely useful question, whether you answer it in a therapist’s office or while scrolling your Kindle library at midnight.
The Takeaway
Romance readers are, in my experience, some of the most emotionally intelligent people around. You’ve spent years developing your palate for emotional storytelling. You know what resonates with you and what doesn’t. That self-knowledge is valuable — and it doesn’t stop at the pages of a book.
So the next time someone asks why you’ve read twelve forced proximity novels in a row, you can tell them you’re doing attachment work. You’re welcome.
A. B. Jackson is an LGBTQ+ romance author and psychotherapist. The Stolen Romance series features forbidden love, forced proximity, and strangers-to-lovers — basically a buffet for your attachment style. Start with the free prequel novella, Stolen Nights, at abjackson.com.